Bipolar Depression

When I’m depressed, I want to be left alone. It’s not that I want to be by myself, I want everyone to disappear. I don’t want to go anywhere, see anyone, or do anything. It’s like no matter what I do, people are telling me I’m doing something wrong. The easiest way for me to feel better is to hide, it seems like the best option for everyone..

No matter what it is—work, hanging out with friends, exercise, etc.—I don’t enjoy things because the smallest details annoy me. If friends invite me out, I imagine catching a train, being cramped against unintelligent people, being too fat to try on clothes, having no money and all the other negative things. I think of every possible downside of something, which leaves me dreading the idea of doing anything. Seeing all those people, carrying on, living their happy little lives is an annoying reminder of my bipolar disorder and how I’ll never have that kind of stability. What’s worse is how I “entertain” people while manic. However when i happen not to be manic, these same people remind me of how ‘quiet’ I am and that I’m not being my usual “Crazy-Mia”.
Do they try to cheer me up, or do something to make me laugh? No. They just want their “Crazy-Mia” back. It’s annoying.

I turn into this repetitive-melancholic that no one wants to be around. I’ve contemplated suicide but the more I understand the problem, the more I know that depression is temporary and I don’t always think clearly during it. That self-reminder and knowledge of my disorder helps me from doing anything stupid. However my extensive knowledge keeps me maybe a little too high functioning.
When I think about the future, I don’t like what I see. I can only envision more troubles, endless work, and an endless string of letdowns.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Six things I gained from a daily yoga practice

When I first met yoga it was through a teacher at a local bar. It was in the middle of a tumultuous time of my 20something experience, though, who am I kidding, there are many more of those to come. We engaged in the typical “what do you do for work?” conversation and when he said he taught yoga I damn near scoffed. “You do what?!” He told me that I should try it (scoff again) and we left it at that. It’s safe to say that the only yoga I was interested in trying was lifting a glass of beer and putting it back down again. He was persistent, though. Every week he’d remind me that he was going to DJ a class on New Year’s Eve and that it’d be right up my alley; black lights, glow-in-the-dark body paint, and awesome music. How did he know?! After waffling…

View original post 1,442 more words

Crushes Are Fun

God…. Am I eternally single?

Waiting Game

love it.

White Elephant in the Room

elephant_lineupAfter tying double knots in our shoelaces and crying to get what we want, the art of lining up is one of the first lessons we learn as a child. We lined up for lunch, we lined up for field trips, and we lined up for class photos. The process was designed to teach order, patience, and how to alphabetize by last name.

With my above-average height and “T” surname, I spent most of my childhood bringing up the rear. So I used my unique vantage point to perfect the art of lining up. From line selection to line merging to line waiting, I’m now a calm collected pro. And as we’re all aware that grown-up lines tend to entail more chaos and frustration than the lines of yesteryear, I’d love to bestow some of the rules I’ve set for myself to ensure a peaceful line-going experience:

Line Selection


View original post 419 more words